By Ola Opoosun, Head of Support Services at caba, the occupational charity for chartered accountants and their families
In the realm of workplace dynamics, understanding and embracing the concept of love languages can be a powerful tool to foster positive relationships, enhance teamwork, and improve overall job satisfaction.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we left work each day feeling appreciated and respected by our colleagues?
Knowing that you’re valued is a fundamental human need we all possess. It helps foster in us a sense of belonging and gives purpose and satisfaction to our lives. And whether we admit it to ourselves or not, what our managers and co-workers think really does matter.
Research backs this up. In a recent caba study of over 200 female chartered accountants, almost two-thirds (61%) admitted to regularly experiencing feelings of self-doubt in the workplace. When asked what would help to combat these feelings, a third responded with “more regular feedback and recognition from their manager”.
In another study by the American Psychological Association (APA), researchers found that of the employees who reported feeling valued at work, 93% said that they’re motivated to do their best for their employer, and 88% said they feel engaged.
It’s clear that appreciation is a core ingredient for making a happy, more productive workplace. What’s not always clear is how we can best show appreciation in a way that resonates, or how to understand when someone is trying to convey it.
This is where ‘love languages’ come in.
For decades, author Gary Chapman has been helping couples around the world figure out how they, and their partners, prefer to be loved. His 1992 New York Times bestseller “The 5 Love Languages” revolutionised the way couples communicated with one another. Fifteen years later he did the same thing for co-workers with “The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace”.
The core concept behind Chapman’s books is that everyone has a preferred way of expressing and receiving love, and it falls into one of five categories or “languages”.
So, what are the 5 love languages at work?
The 5 love languages at work
In the workplace, Chapman’s love languages are adapted to focus more on professional relationships and communication styles. There are 5 in total, comprising:
Words of Affirmation: This involves giving positive feedback, encouragement, and recognition to your colleagues. This could be praising someone for their hard work, acknowledging their achievements, or simply saying “thank you”.
Acts of Service: This love language involves helping your colleagues in practical ways. It could be offering to assist with a task, sharing workload, or taking on extra responsibilities to lighten someone else’s load.
Quality Time: In a work context, quality time means giving your full attention to your colleagues when you interact with them. It could involve having meaningful conversations, actively listening to their ideas, or spending time collaborating on projects.
Physical Touch (Appropriate for the Workplace): While physical touch may seem less relevant in a professional setting, it can still be expressed through gestures like handshakes, high-fives, or pats on the back. However, it’s essential to ensure that these gestures are appropriate and welcomed by the person receiving it.
Tangible gifts: In the workplace, gifts don’t necessarily have to be material items. It could be something as simple as sharing useful resources, providing access to training opportunities, or giving someone personal time off to attend their child’s event or run some errands.
Why are love languages at work important?
Understanding your love language or love languages in the workplace, along with those of your colleagues, is a game changer for communication and teamwork.
So many people, including managers, fall into the trap of using just words to tell their colleagues when they’ve done a good job, or when they want to show that they’re a great team member. But this might not be the best way to communicate with them. As Paul E. White, co-author of the ‘5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace’, says, “word is not the preferred mode of appreciation by over 50% of employees”.
Therefore, by showing our appreciation through our colleagues’ love language, we’re able to make them feel valued in a way that truly resonates with them. This makes people feel good, and, as a result, boosts team morale, job satisfaction and productivity, while aiding conflict resolution and enhancing leadership.
How to determine your workplace love language
The quickest way to determine your love language is by taking an online test.
However, as your workplace love language can differ to your love language at home, you’ll want to spend some time reflecting on your preferences at work. Ask yourself the following questions:What makes me feel the most appreciated in the workplace?
What type of gestures from colleagues or managers means the most to me?
When do I feel the least valued at work?
How do I show appreciation to my team?
You could also ask a trusted colleague or your line manager for feedback on how they perceive your preferred ways of giving and receiving appreciation in the workplace. Their insights can help validate your observations.
How to determine your colleagues’ love languages
Determining someone’s love language in the workplace requires observation, listening, and paying attention to their preferences and behaviours. Here are some useful questions to ask yourself to help you to figure out your colleagues’ love language:
- How does this person treat others?
- How do they communicate with others?
- What are their biggest complaints?
- What do they request most often?
- Which type of recognition do they usually respond to the most positively?
- What type of feedback do they seem to value the most?
Once you know what you’re looking for, it’s usually straightforward to work out someone else’s love language. For example, if your manager brings in baked goods after a team win, they probably prefer gifts, whereas if they write or give a special shout-out to a particular team member in front of the office, it’s like they’re a words of affirmation person. Some can even be a combination of more than one love language, showing different behaviours.
An antidote to stress
One of the other main benefits of love languages at work is their ability to tackle stress at its root. So much of our time and energy is spent worrying about what others think and navigating complex office dynamics. Love languages cut through this uncertainty by allowing for better communication between team members and reducing any resentment that may be building up due to feelings of underappreciation.
When we feel valued at work, and feel that we have a manager who understands us, it makes it easier to handle pressure from other places (for example, a new project that comes in with a tight deadline). It’s a win-win situation for everyone.Yes really – ‘love languages’ exist at work. Here’s how to find yours
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